I have been bothered a lot these past days – how do I let her out of my life? Of course, there are so many processes to this, but as an artist, it can be tough to let go of that perfect vision of an image and just accept that the art is ugly. I’d like to explain this in a particularly interesting way. If anyone has read about King David (I’d call him “King D” here), you’d be cognisance of his first wife Michal. So the story goes that Saul (Michal’s father) asked David to bring 100 Philistines foreskin as the bride price; the young chap brought back 200 foreskins and married the lady. She was his first muse in this ”Judaic- Christian- Islam” story.
Down into the future, he wanted her to come with him when her father sent assassins to kill him. Of course, the story goes that she decided to stay back to ensure his safety, but the deeper truth was that she didn’t want to be a fugitive. How was “King D” going to provide for her in the wilderness? She was comfortable with the palace life, full of luxury and food that she found it hard to leave her comfort zone; even though she loved him (the writers of the books claimed that she did). She gets married off to someone else when “King D” was in exile.
Saul is dead, “King D” is crowned king of all Israel and he knew that claiming her would further “legalise” his claim to the throne; hence he gets her back from her husband. Funny enough, Michal didn’t refuse to come back as his wife. From a writer’s point of view, I would say that she stayed true to her nature, that selfish “I only care about the palace life and the luxury” spirit and who can blame “King D” for claiming her, she was his first wife.
But after messing around with him when he showed his muscles in front of the people (the ark had been brought back to Jerusalem after all), his love for her reduced drastically. She wasn’t worth the effort. Down the line, she is called barren (the only recorded woman in the Bible). “King D” could have prayed to YHWH on her behalf, but he didn’t.
Change of flow.
If anyone is familiar with the book and movie “The Great Gatsby”, you would find the similarity between “King D” and Jay Gatsby and Milcah and Daisy Fay Buchanan. It is the same story line if you think about it and deep down in most of our relationships we find characters like this. There’s always that one lady or guy who seems to be worth your time, but deep down they are one narcissistic soul caring only for their selves and their wants.
What happens to some of us? We decide to keep trying; we try to salvage the relationship in hopes that our efforts would save her/him and our concept of that perfect art. Yet I tell you, it is okay to accept that the art is ugly and leave him/her barren before your “love” gets your murdered like it did to Jay Gatsby. Trust me, I’m an advocate for that “heavy love”, that deep bond that we all desire, but at what point does it become self-destructive?
For some of us, it is easy to show love to that broken soul and try to help but at what point should the mark be drawn? I know that in the religious circles, this kind of love is usually stressed upon – Oh! God so loved the world that he sent Jesus to die for the forsaken and the helpless; he gave it his all and took our pain upon himself and what not. Oh! What a deep love, and the constant message is that we should all be like him in this regard. Well, I’m here to tell you to get the FUCK AWAY FROM THAT WATERED DOWN MESSAGE.
Yes, elements of that gospel are correct, yet the true advocates of love know that only those that choose to accept his love are the ones that Jesus will embrace; the rest will wallow and perish in their mud. So yes, I’m an advocate of that “I’ll kill myself for my lover“ kind of love, but my sacrifice would be useless if they don’t accept the love that I give. As artists, we do fall in love with our muses, but there are times when we have to drop the pen or the painting brush or the guitar and move on to another piece of art.
Of course, I’m up for the wild and the interesting (take it from a Sagittarian) but there comes a time when some art has to be discarded. There comes a time when one has to choose a safer option for his heart than a wild one. So today, I choose to drop all those Michal/Daisy stereotypes and focus on the art that will accept my love.